How to deal with the stress of Christmas (for each situation and personality)
PsychoYou may be stressed about buying gifts or maybe you feel anxiety at the prospect of celebrating family dinners, but the truth is that at this time there are all kinds of situations that can affect us more or less depending on our personality. Use this guide as an aid to learn to navigate the different sources of stress
By Ana Gandara
Christmas is, by definition, a time of happiness and celebration. Or at least that's what we've been told. Unfortunately, you don't have to be a grinch - which includes hating holiday movies on Netflix and not being particularly fond of nougat - to dread the holidays. On the contrary, you may like it - or love it - as a concept, or many points of it, but also feel how certain feelings of Christmas stress and anxiety creep into your Christmas spirit. And the first thing we must say is that it is completely normal, especially this year. If buying gifts, juggling with money, family gatherings or work dinners, crowds or even fear of the consequences of binge eating can already be overwhelming, as confirmed by Ángel Luis Guillén Torregrosa, health psychologist and director of Psicopartner, “we are verifying that this year some factors are added that aggravate these stress and anxiety conditions. We highlight the fear of a hypothetical shortage, job uncertainty, a vertiginous and unstoppable increase in prices, a return to restrictions due to the increase in Covid infections and pandemic fatigue. Consequently, other mental health disorders are increasing, "such as depression, social phobia, hypochondria, agoraphobia...", explains the expert.
Like everything, each person has their personal Christmas crusade, as well as a different way of facing this time. And the complications increase when different personalities come together -almost inevitably- to celebrate the holidays. According to a global study by Klarna -the payment platform for online purchases- in collaboration with the consumer psychologist Kate Nightingale, there are up to five different types of people when it comes to buying and celebrating the holidays: fans (39% of the Spaniards), the experts (5%), the homebody (23%), the pragmatists (22%) and the indifferent (11%). Therefore, a general feeling of celebration emerges from the report, but in certain aspects it can be clouded, or even generate some pressure against those who do not feel that way. Of course, it is not a random classification, since our personality influences more than we imagine in how we live this time. As Nightingale develops, “previous research has shown that our psychological make-up predicts how we approach parties and gift-buying; Klarna's research extends this knowledge, helping consumers better understand themselves, ”she says, referring to the interactive questionnaire that the platform has developed to discover where you fall on that spectrum.
But even in each of those categories, we can find people who are negatively affected - at least to some degree - by the stress of Christmas. It is what the psychologist Ángel Luis Guillén calls the "Grinch syndrome", which far from sticking to a single profile, can be triggered in different types of people:
- People who are going through a grieving process. “Christmas is an especially difficult time, since it is where the lack of that loved one is evident, and they will bring us a lot of memories. We have to bear in mind that grief, even if it is painful, is a natural and adaptive process that allows us to overcome the loss”, explains the psychologist.
- People with social anxiety. “Company parties, celebrations with friends, family dinners, are a true torment for people who suffer from social phobia. They provoke almost automatically and without being able to control it, a constant insecurity and fear of their own behavior, what they say, how they act, what others think, the judgment of others, etc..., which is usually accompanied by physiological symptoms such as need going to the bathroom, sweating, trembling, flushing, trembling of limbs, choking sensation, etc.”
- People with eating behavior problems (TCA). “All celebrations revolve around endless lunches and dinners, full of sweets and with great pressure from others to eat and drink excessively. People with eating behavior disorder seek constant control in what they eat and in the way they do it. And these days they can't do it. This usually leads them to have high anxiety, which feeds back into the disorder and leads them to further increase their efforts to achieve that control, entering an infinite loop of anxiety”.
- Obsessive perfectionist traits. “Perfectionists are people who need to have everything under control and that it be in the right way according to their point of view: cutlery, plates, glasses, decoration… This is going to mean a lot of work and effort so that everything is immaculate. But unfortunately, it is a 'totally uncontrollable control' and it will cause them to be constantly in tension so that everything turns out as it has to. This continuous struggle to have everything perfect usually leads the person to a state of irascibility, creating a tense environment where continuous anger and reproaches appear.
- People with impulse control problems or addictions. “At Christmas it seems that everything is allowed, there is no problem playing many tenths in the lottery, drinking alcohol for several days in a row, eating compulsively, or smoking when you never smoke… At these parties, nobody remembers that there are people with alcohol or gambling addiction problems and that at Christmas there is a constant invitation for them to stop this hard process of detoxification in which they find themselves. It is even common for people to insist over and over again for people to toast with alcohol or to have a Christmas drink, without being aware that behind that "no, thank you" there is a great internal struggle to avoid a relapse in alcoholism,” says the doctor. Therefore, he emphasizes that "it is important to listen to others and not insist."
- People with conflictive and/or narcissistic tendencies. “In all dinners or meals discrepancies will arise, differences of opinion, and it is something normal and natural in all social interaction. However, there are people who love to debate and be right at all costs, even seeing themselves legitimized if they have to use a certain verbal aggressiveness”. In these cases, the specialist recalls that "it is useless to argue or try to reason with someone who only wants to impose their criteria or teach you lessons."
- People with fear of contagion and hypochondria. “The irresponsibility of a few puts not only people who try to comply with preventive measures at risk, but also generates a fear of social relationships that can lead to social isolation. It is important to respect the preventive measures that the person wants to establish." Taken to the extreme, the psychologist confirms that it can lead to agoraphobia or hypochondria.
In any of these cases, the teaching is the same: do not try to force others to do things with which they do not feel comfortable or calm and try to be understanding with their particular situation, understanding that not all people live the holidays. the same way. For those who suffer from any of these situations, with the help of the Psicopartner expert, we go deeper into four of the most common ones, to learn how to navigate Christmas in the best possible way.
#one. Stress from organizing celebrations and buying gifts
Without a doubt, it is one of the most common cases on these dates, especially if you are the person in charge of organizing or preparing the different meetings that are held, and the same if you are responsible for a good part of the purchase of gifts. For this type of situation, the psychologist Ángel Luis Guillén provides a series of guidelines that can help alleviate this accumulated stress:
#two. Anxiety at the prospect of multiple social events (especially if you are an introvert)
For those who do not move well in large groups, the season in which commitments and social events are celebrated almost every day can be a great source of anxiety, but there are certain tips you can follow to feel more comfortable in these types of situations. If you give them a chance, you might even have a (very) good time. The Psicopartner specialist shares his recommendations:
Dealing with Grief at Christmas
Although the holiday season has always been difficult for those who have recently lost a loved one, this feeling has been exacerbated in recent years due to the global situation. In these cases, we should not try to pretend that we are fine or that it does not affect us so much, but it is important to admit (to others and to ourselves) that, as the specialist emphasizes, "mourning is a natural process and totally necessary to cope with a loss. It is not about forgetting those who are no longer here, but about accepting their disappearance. For this reason, the psychologist advises “allowing the person to remember and talk about the person who is no longer there, it is about accompanying them from empathy, without pressuring or downplaying what they are suffering. Carrying out small rituals can relieve and help to get through these days, such as putting a photo, toasting that person, etc.”
However, the expert points out that it is also important to focus on the present moment and try to enjoy the positive things that are happening around you and the people who are still with you. “We must not forget that nostalgia and sadness come because before there have been joy and happy moments. It is good to remember those happy moments and keep in mind that now we are the ones who are generating the memories of others, ”he concludes.
Negativity before plans that do not feel like
Whether it's because you have an unavoidable commitment that you don't feel like at all or because, in general, you don't like celebrating Christmas, that negativity when facing an appointment that you perceive as unpleasant is not going to help you at all. As Ángel Luis Guillén puts it, “does it make sense to make a drama or think about how horrible it is going to be? What would happen if we began to accept the situation? The idea is that, since we are going to go, let's have the best time possible”. Following this positive thinking, the expert advises:
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